so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
