I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
