Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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