At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
