I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
