the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
