Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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