I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
