You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize