In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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