Duck Duck Cougar?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
