so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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