she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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