God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
