He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
