YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
