My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
