Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize