Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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