you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
