no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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