I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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