I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
