So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
