You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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