I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
