I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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