he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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