There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
