Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
