She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
