fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
