we have pet lesbian snakes
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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