Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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