i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize