Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont even know how to be here
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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