You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
