does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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