so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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