Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
