dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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