Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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