I don't think brook has ever known best
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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