I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
