Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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