in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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