i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
