Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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