eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
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