I love black thongs
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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