We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
