Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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