can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
