omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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