he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
