Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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