I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
