can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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