We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
