apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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