I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
