I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
