they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
