Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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