she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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