Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
