and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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