I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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