my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
God, I missed his penis.
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