i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
