Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Houston, we have a blender
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
